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Dirty Truth ... (a post from my past)

The devil though he had me, But GOD. This declaration came to me a few years ago, and I had kinda forgotten about it. But today, as I sit in my office it hit me all over again. As I stop today and compare where I am now to where I have been, all can be is grateful. Grateful that I didn't lose my mind, grateful I that didnt die from an alcohol overdose after many times of drinking myself sick, grateful to still be here after waking up many mornings not remembering how I had gotten home because I drove home drunk, grateful I didn't get an STD from him, him, or him in my attempts to find love in the arms and beds of men who had no intention of ever loving me, grateful that I've never been hospitalized as a result of the eating disorders I developed from my youth, grateful that the guy who chose to have sex with me after I told him "No" did not end up being a father to a child of mine, grateful that my stupid decision to try marijuana didn't send me to jail, grateful that pornography and masturbation are now far far away from me, grateful that the God in me Never let the spirit of homosexuality creep into my spirit, grateful for the reprobate mind that led me to the pit I ultimately fell into because there I looked up and saw only God reaching down coming to my rescue, grateful for the lies that were told because they encouraged me to seek truth, grateful for the stabs in the back because I was able to use those knives through God given strength to pull myself up, grateful for the spirits I was afraid of and saw as a child because now I have no fear and rage war against them day, grateful for a praying family and friends who didn't know their prayers of protection were protecting me from all this, grateful for a best friend named James who sewed the seed in the form of the word "precious" given to him by his mother Brenda that changed the course of my life, grateful for my mother Rita who loved me enough to call out to God in her bedroom on my behalf, grateful for my father Gary who was and is present and loves me more than his words may ever express, grateful for a little sister Jasmine who knowing much of this loved me instead of judging me and still saw something to look up to, grateful for a big sister Stacy who I know loves me enough to fight although she's never had to throw a punch, grateful that in the midst of my messes God still found place to use me, grateful for my Granny Reba who introduced me to the Spirit of God, grateful for a best friend Charlotte who has never betrayed my trust, grateful for the true friends I now have that never ask me to be more than myself and accept me for who I am and don't need their name called because they know who they are, I am grateful for the call that God never stops making on my life, grateful for the burden of ministry because it keeps me on my knees as I lay it at Christ's feet, grateful for the sideline critics because I use their energy as a footstool, grateful for tear because they help me release pain and express great joy, grateful for laughter because it helps break strongholds, grateful for deliverance and that I don't look like what I've been through, grateful for forgiveness because I am not fit to live but God loves me anyway, grateful for everything I've been through because it helps me identify and encourage those now going through and lights the fire of my passion for sewing seeds that save lost souls, grateful for my kids at New Birth who love and keep it Real, grateful for the loneliness because in it I am being taught ministry, how to be a wife, and a mother, grateful for the process because through it's pain I grow, learn to love truly and gain increased strength... I am grateful for my God... this is not even the half.. satan wanted my life and he wanted me to take it, But GOD. Before, I thought it was impossible to lived saved. I thought there was no way to get over the hurt. I thought there was no way to really be free. I was so bound I couldn't fathom God loving me the way I know He does now. He loves you too. I promise that if you make the choice to give him your heart today you will never regret it. If you need proof, Look at me. (Now you know in part why I praise and worship so hard)

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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