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Sparkly vs. Scary

By design I am a hopeless romantic and for a long time assumed that once you '"fell" in love, that on cloud nine, "woo woo woo" (insert Sinclair's voice from the hit show Living Single) feeling where all you want to do is be around them would never subside. I never imagined that there would come a day where the sparkle on the object of my affection would be less sparkly and more like a flat sheen. I just assumed that falling would never stop. In my naivete, I believed that in the case of love, gravity was non-existent. no mam. no mam. No Mam. Louis de Bernieres said it well when he said, "Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." Good stuff huh? I've learned that not only is there gravity in love, there is silence, there is noise, there is an ugly beautiful bottom that brings you back to reality and where you see your significant other with the rose colored glasses off. When you stop falling and finally stand up you become and realize that the newness has worn off. For me this is when things get scary because I know now he sees me in natural light. No more pretty light like on the Oprah show that hides wrinkles, blemishes, and scars. I'm talking about the fluorescent kind that no one looks attractive under. Hey, I'm not perfect. I'm

with with me everyday. So, what do I do? How do I keep him loving me? How do I make him stay? Oh Lord I don't want to be alone. I can't take another heartbreak. tears... tears.... and more tears... . He said, "Be you and be still and know that I am God. You can't make Him stay. You don't control the love. This is out of your hands. Just listen to me and follow my every instruction. Most importantly obey my command." Hmmmm.. whaattt be still??? follow instructions??... Lord, I haven't been the best at that, but lets go. So far I'm doing ok. I'm growing and doing my best to keep my hands out of the way. No more trying to anticipate or analyze or get the inside scoop on what's next. I'm praying hard that God continues to heal my heart so that I won't to jump to conclusions, be insecure or afraid. I refuse to be trapped in the pain of before and let it push me ahead of God's schedule for my life. I have left myself wide open, put myself out there, and pray for confirmation that what God said is what He said. In this place of learning to love fully, fearlessly, and unselfishly, I have prayed that the clamor in my head is hushed. I prayed that all the noise rushing in from the memories of heartbreaks past will subside and be replaced by a beautiful silence. And now, in this silence, I hear clearly and am following the voice of God. He has called and is leading me through the wilderness. A place of uncomfortable circumstances and many tests of faith and obedience, but I believe that and directed to my promised land is on the other side. The place where my heart (mind, body, and spirit) will be united completely with the heart (mind, body, and spirit) of he who loves, receives, and expresses love the way as God designed. (you know this isn't easy right..but i'm not trying to be here for 40 years... to be continued) Humbly submitted, A.Marie

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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