Stay In The Know:

All In My Head

When I heard this song I was emotionally transported back to the days of my singleness. Days when I waited not so patiently for call backs and text messages to be returned. Moments of daydreaming about "what if's" and "whens" or ever. Nights of brokenheartedness after spending entirely too long to get ready for an event where my current imaginary boyfriend would be only to see him not seeing me. There was so much pressure during this time as I prepared to graduate college to "find" someone to take care of me. Despite the fact I was approaching two degrees, had a townhouse, a job, and a car. I was consumed with insecurity as I heard over and over "You are going to make a good wife," received fake proposals, and even overheard a guy telling his friends "I am going to marry her." I was utterly confused as in my office I was referred to as "The Alicia Stoker" like I was some kind of rare Unicorn.

I cooked. I cleaned. I took care of myself. I didn't mind making plates. I was a a mover and a shaker feeling even more empowered while walking across campus with my fellow powerful women friends. During our nights of compelling, philosophical conversation while listening to smooth jazz and sipping vino it seemed like the only thing missing was Mr. Right.We each felt like we were was the ones for later instead of now. This left me feeling like something was wrong with me asking why my good enough only applied to later. I often fell in "love" (infatuation) with potential only to be at some point told "you are too much woman for me" or sometimes nothing at all was said as slow responses would soon fade in to the abyss of what almost could've happened.

Overtime, however, I learned this valuable lesson:


Meaning the guy wasn't the only one who needed to decided if I was for him. SHOOT! I had just as much say as he did. I wasn't growing and evolving only so someone could decide I was for them. I needed to have some standards in place so that I could decide if they were for me. Right now this may seem like "duh" but when was in my mid twenties watching too many romantic comedies and episodes of "Girlfriends" this hadn't quite dawned on me. (I had a night in shinning armor complex)

Just because someone offered me a possible relationship doesn't mean I should accept it like its the last golden ticktet to the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory. What I also didn't realize was that contrary to popular belief there is not a shortage of good men and women out there. The shortage is in the security and confidence people have in God's ability to provide if they remain faithful to His protective plan.

It's not enough to be attractive and successful we have to be faithful to God and ourselves. Put more stock in your purpose than just being validated that someone wants to spend their lives with you. If you with God is not enough, adding another person won't make a bit of difference because you will still want them to validate you and make you happy which is not the responsiblity of a husband or a wife. It's what you get in a real relationship with Christ.

I am praying that for those of you reading this and relating will call into question more the relationships or almost relationships you are getting into. I am praying you learn your worth and your position. I am praying it dawns on you how amazing you are just as you are now. Singleness is portray as a waiting period but it's not it really the one time in your life when so called selfish decisions are necessary in order for you to get out of your head and into your best life.


It is very possible for a Christian to marry wrong especially when they are choosing from a lonely place. Don't settle for straight teeth, good credit, and a Bible on the dashboard. God has more once a spouse stops becoming the reason for your relationship with HIM. Love you and praying for you.

Big Hug.

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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