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Ugly Feet

"SHE PUTS MAKE UP ON HER TOES!!!!! BAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAAAAA! Oh my God! Oh my God! Yall! Alicia puts MAKE UP on her toes!!!"

These words echoing over and over from the mouth of one of my childhood friends sent terror down my spine as my 12th grade peers all turned and looked down at me... I wanted to slink away into the darkest places of our high school, but there was no way to run as I was too busy trying hide my feet. I had been exposed.. You may ask why would I even think to put make up on my toes. Like what would posses a level headed teenager to do such a thing???

Ugly Feet! That's what!

You see, I had spent years listening to guys talk in the back of the bus about all the girls they thought were "Fine", about what makes them fine, and what their girls could not have and had compiled this list:

Big booty

Nice shape

Pretty Hair

Yellow Bone


Clear Skin

Being "cool than a fan"

Pretty Feet

When I compared myself I was soooo let down.. Big booty? NO. Nice shape? NO (even though it was... What I wouldn't give to go back and show my high school self this "mom bod" lol ), Pretty Hair? Yes, thanks to a bi-weekly hair appointment. Yellow Bone? Uh No. Athletic? Did band count.. NO. Clear skin? Thanks to 2 cycles of Acutane Yes. "Cool than a Fan"? Not sure as my hands got sweaty thinking about my socially awkwardness. Pretty Feet? HECK NO.. I had corns... yes plural! Corns! And make up was the only way to camouflage them unless I wanted to wear K-Swiss with EVERYTHING. Plus, after hearing their long conversations about girls, I knew that I was doomed for singleness forever if I couldn't get my feet together. SOoooo make up was the way.

Years later, despite acquiring life wisdom I still held onto the idea that my body had to be perfect in order get and keep a guy interested. I worked out, kept my once blazing acne under control, actually had foot surgery (which ironically left scars), and bought a booty enhancer. Now on the other side, I now know that I stressed and fought my body for nothing and that the list meant nothing ... My homieloverfriend aka husband is highly attracted to an imperfect me even now right after having our beautiful baby boy. {that truth is still hard to accept.. pray for ya girl}

I thought about all of this as my husband was plucking my chin hairs (yep!) and then realized as he kissed my chin (yep yep!) that society lies when they tell men and women that our appearances will be the deal breakers concerning our loves. The truth is the man or woman that is for you will not leave you if you don't have muscles or perky boobs or good hair. They won't drop you if you aren't rich or "dressed to the nines" everyday. They won't care if you have a little pudge, ugly feet, big ears or perfect teeth. They will be attracted to what you consider flaws and see you as flawless. They will be in love with your soul because you are their mate. They will see your hyenna laugh as cute and and your awkwards moments will be when you have the most fun together. They may even paint and massage the toes and feet that were once laughed at... :) It is here our flaws become "special features".

{Notice I said the one for you not just anyone. So be patient and know a few will leave you and you will leave a few before you meet them.}

So take care of you how it makes you happy and rest in knowing 20 pounds lighter or heavier it won't stop love from flowing your way. Buuuuut it may extend the time it takes to romantically walk on that beach... Lol which may not be a bad thing.. ijs Let go of the poisonous ideaology that something is so physically wrong with you that it makes love stay away. You are loved and will be loved in spite of your "special features". Accept it and recieve it when it comes. It is this acceptance that will bring you closer to peace and yield you a fuller experience in love...

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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