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Such is life....

So, I was going to stay up and write a beautifully heartfelt and transparent post, but a few sentences in I

changed my mind. I do plan to write it, but here in the wee hours of the night to morning I feel it would be best to enjoy some "me" time.

These days, I rarely ever get time to myself. I am always pleasantly consumed with either my son, my husband or household duties. And, if im not doing something I am thinking about bills, insurance, the money that is about to be spent, the money that needs to be made, etc., etc., etc. It's adulting. It's bittersweet. And, it's tiring. Don't get me wrong. I am not adulting alone I just I can't hear Mike's thoughts thus I can't speak for the labyrinth of "adulty" thoughts he probably has running through his head.

So tonight after few mentally and emotionally rough days, I decided to emerge from the sweet, small, but strong hands of my baby boy (yes, we co-sleep) and head to the living room. Mike was studying and I had plans to get some work done. But, as soon as I rested my hind parts on the cool, pleather couch, (lol) I knew I wasn't getting much done.

I tried. But then I turned Hulu on to my new favorite show "Blackish" just to let it play for background nose and it was over. I got sucked in. I tried again and instead started watching my favorite Youtuber Jackie Aina unbox some BEAUTIFUL makeup by Pat McGrath (LOVE HER), and then I remembered I had some Flamin' Hot Cheetos in my car. It was over. As my lips burned from the cheesy, flaming deliciousness I decided that I would write my present truth in hopes that someone else could relate.

It's probably nothing major to anyone else but to me this moment means a lot. Enjoying a simple moment to myself on the couch makes me feel like a kid again sneaking to stay up just a few more minutes. Hoping that I could hold..... hold on please

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(a week later)

Soooooo sorry I meant to get this post out a week ago. But, that's what happens when you are living life... Things don't always go as planned. You have to be able to adjust, sacrifice, forget, and try again. Once we realize the beauty of life is in it's unpredictability, the less frazzled and distraught we will be when the bottom falls out. Ohhhh cause honey trust me. That bottom is going to fall slap out. You are going to have all of your pretty, printed plans all set and then WHAMOOOOO! life is going to happen.

The best chance we have at peace is being flexible and open. Sooo what if you're 25 and not married? I'm sorry, enjoy your me time. The future you is going to wish they could tell you to seize every moment and live free. There's nothing wrong with you so turn off "He's Just Not That Into You" or any other funny movie that gets you all in your feelings, work, save your coins, and travel. Go write a book. Go buy a house. Get your credit straight etc etc. Just go do something other than listen to those negative thoughts and know love is out there but not on that couch with you... in those sweats.

Okay, so you're married and its not the fairytale that you hoped for, I'm sorry. When we think of our happily ever after we don't factor in bills, hidden parts of personalities, mortgages, or bad habits, or sex droughts into our plan. We don't think about sickness and disease orrrr weight gain. (dramatic music) Shoot, we didn't think we'd have a reality star, KKK endorsed, female part grabbing business man as the next president with some of the people we love so much cheering him on without realizing the pain it causes, but such is life... and ready or not it's here.

(pause.. takes breath)

Life is going to go on and things will get better and be okay. Just don't give up and isolate yourself but do lean into your life especially your spouse. Don't let the hard times tell you that the differences can not be reconciled. If you find yourself in the midst of the mess of life and are struggling to stick to your carefully detailed plan, I suggest you, too, take a moment to breathe and consider the fact that you cannot control everything. The only constant in life is change. You may be in the valley now but soon you will be on the mountain top.

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(soooooo another week goes by...hey I told you life happens)

I don't know how and I don't know when but things are going to get better. It can't be dark for forever and and even though it seems horrendous now I believe that we have find a few blessings to count even if we don't want to. So before I run back to this crazy thing called life (or get another week long interruption), I challenge you to count your blessings. You've made it this far and I believe that was on

purpose for a purpose so before you quit turn and look the darkest area of your life and say to this dark time in your best Clint Eastwood voice, ".... Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?...."

You know what happens next... kill it... you got this..

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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