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Kindness for Weakness

It's crazy how even though I know it takes more strength to be kind than to be rude or respond, I still have days where the Petty Patty in me wants to take center stage. As therapist, I know the coping strategies to use when dealing with difficult people. But, in those moments, no part of me wants to count, smile, or breathe. All, I want to do is utter the notorious universal clap-back phrase "What you are not going to do is..." as I become torn in the fight to make it clear that my kindness should not be taken for weakness. It both annoying and tiresome when people interpret my kindness as an indication that I am naive and easily manipulated. (sigh) However, I have grown weary "putting people in their place," and I have begun letting the principle of sowing and reaping give them their just due. I'm by no means perfect, but I am walking through my pearl process to pearl-fection.

Often, I am agitated and pressed upon by the winds and the rains of life, but I refuse to quit. I am almost a year to the anniversary of my Dad's passing, and I genuinely believe that since I still here I need to live fully and un-apologetically. I don't have time to worry about the approval or acceptance of others. There's work to be done and purpose to be revealed and evolved through. After walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I have no fear. Honestly, Its like the anger and the fury that I felt towards everyone (including God) burned up any influence that opinions have on my actions and consumed my former need for validation. I feel more like a Phoenix rising from the ashes of depression, grief, and shame. God in the midst of my fury has and is loving me back to life. Despite my disrespect (which is why I love Him more). For this reason, I don't have the time to have my energy siphoned by dissatisfied naysayers.

And neither do you.

I know that it doesn't feel like it, but you can do this. You can make it. You can live fully. You can and will win. Release the tension through your tears, take a breath, walk, and use the fire in your face as fuel. Whatever you do... Don't stop! You are needed. You are Divinely loved, and You are amazing!

Remember this: sensitivity is a gift from God given to those who are powerful enough to use this gift of discernment to serve thermostat for positive change for others. Many, are overwhelmed by it and build a barbed wire fence around their heart and stuff their feelings in a steel box. But, its time to get free. I'm walking this walk too, and it's terrifying because it took me a long time to build that shrine around my heart. It took decades to harden my soft heart, but in turn, I stopped feeling deeply. Until, I lost my Daddy.

Now that I've experienced the worst pain that I have ever known, I am determined to find my greatest joy in my new normal. I know now that there is no way to protect ourselves from pain. The closest to us will at some point break our hearts intentionally or unintentionally. It's inevitable. But with out pain their is no growth.

Life is too short and too long to accept defeat and depression. If you need meds go get them. If you need to cut ties, grab some scissors. If you need a pep talk, call a bestie. If you don't have one, call me. Get at therapist... Get a massage... Get a job... Make new frIends ... FORGIVE and LET GO! The past has too much baggage to carry. Unpack and move on. Just don't sit there being angry stewing in self-pity or resentment because when the fools come to test your patience you'll ending up stooping to their level to teach them a lesson. There are too many fools in this world to address them all.. just move on.

We've got to learn, evolve, and be reshaped in the same manner as pearls, diamonds, and gold. Your soft heart is needed in this world to make us all better. If you want joy, it can only be found through vulnerability. And though it is painfully uncomfortable, we will survive somehow.

Friend, if you are breathing, you've got this! Only the strongest can look negativity in the face and sincerely smile.

Big Hug.

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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