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Belly Belly

You know it’s crazy to me how their hands always seem to find my belly as if it’s comforting or reassuring. I thought maybe because it was soft and squishy. But now I believe that it's because this place was their first home and sanctuary where God whispered their purpose and communed with their souls before He shaped their outward parts. He knew and formed them then so that I could love and learn them now... For weeks, I’ve compressed myself in girdles and shapers non-stop to give me support and stop the “my insides are going to fall out” feeling. But also to make it look like I had never carried. I was self-conscious of how prominent ”Belly Belly” (Mikey's nickname for my stomach) was. Now it's almost heartbreaking to me how I failed to relish or completely thank God for choosing me. So sad that I so quickly I began to work diligently to erase the evidence of two miracles performed in me by God. Motivated by the insecurity of what people may say when I was finally released back into society partnered with my own vain desires, I almost missed the blessing of discovering who I am. I almost missed loving me, again. Tonight, it hit me that I am woman chosen by the Creator of humankind to generate, nurture, and carry the souls of humans before they are cognizant of their own existence. I, woman the more delicate vessel of the human species am safe enough to encapsulate generations, strong enough to be torn/cut open and sewn back together upon their arrival, and gentle enough to love them to and through life. All so that the world could be made better by these little persons He ordained. 

I, driven by the charge to lead them, teach, cultivate, tend to them and defend them with ferocity. As woman and mama always ready to risk and give my all for them. 

As I realize this I am not insecure. I am humbled, honored, overjoyed, grateful...Empowered (all while being tired) and now more than ever in touch with just a piece of my power. 

Yes, I will work on my temple and love it better so that it looks better to me. But not because of anything any thoughtless, feeble-minded, or mean-spirited person may. It's for me. Just like this post... it's personal. So that I can slay, play, and be present all while feeling free and strong. Lady, you are beautiful. I hope this helps. A. Marie 

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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