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No New Friends...

Soooooo...I was team “No New Friends” for the longest time because I mistakenly shared the most vulnerable parts of my heart to people who were “leaves” instead of “roots” and thus mourned these seasonal losses instead of valuing my long-standing lifelong friendship gains.  

As a result, I had a guard dog (referenced in my Give My Friend A Break post) in front of my heart and chose to stop asking for help or sharing myself anyone. I elected to do it all as I was tired of leaning and falling flat on my back in disappointment. I was certain the “No New Friends” bandwagon I jumped one was sure to protect me... only to discover it was prison rather than a safe space. Over time, I’ve discovered the only certainty in human relationships is that pain and disappointment are unavoidable. No matter how hard we try or how selective we are, there will still be a sting involved even the relationship we have with ourselves. (I've hurt me many times with bad choices, haven't you?) Yes, everyone will hurt you to some extent including you. You just have to determine the ones worth forgiving and keeping close (Include yourself here, too). Truth be told, it was my No New Friends mantra was hurting me. Ironically, I realized how significantly while talking to a couple beautiful souls that God brought in my life. Neither of them realized I had no plans of really letting them in when we met, but their genuine nature and sincere concern for me broke me down.... One did so with a slice of pie and the other with a coffee that THEY BROUGHT TO ME when “my voice didn’t sound right.” I was astounded at what they could discern and how they simply cared about my well-being. At that moment, I realized was my own worst enemy because I closed myself off from people who cared while trying to protect myself from those who didn’t. In trying to be my own bodyguard, I hadn’t given myself space to be a flawed human. Some of those who cared about me most barely new me because I hid me from behind a superhuman. I had protected myself by being a server who didn’t let others come to my aid. I didn’t even let people I liked “in in” and that could be felt. Thus, potentially beautiful friendships failed to blossom due to trust deficient soil. My behavior unknowingly promoted one-sided friendships and screamed strong, self sufficient island woman... I was frustrated. Over the last year or so, I’ve ended my No New Friends campaign and began to pray for discernment on where to position people in my life and how to trust the trustworthy ones. I’ve prayed for a tribe and nervously reached out to people here and there in hopes that my efforts would grant me what I have found I need sometimes even more than romantic love... the love of new real friends to add to my true blue ones. Hey lady (or gent) I’m praying for you in the area of friendship and that you learn to at some point let your guard down if that’s your struggle. I pray you choose more wisely and that your friends (no matter how new or few) be true. Big hug A.Marie 

Lead Me Back - Morgan Harper Nichols
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